The Lion in Love
- Published in Plays
- Read 8810 times
- font size decrease font size increase font size
This was adapted into a play from the classic fable--some modern humor added in for effect.
I have used this in my classroom to introduce "theme" or "personification".
The Lion in Love
(In a living room: a fierce-looking LION sits in a chair across from a middle-aged MAN and a middle-aged WOMAN who sit on a couch. All three of them sit in awkward silence for a while.)
LION
So…this is weird.
WOMAN
Yes. We weren’t expecting company.
MAN
Well, just the pizza delivery guy. We haven’t had dinner yet.
LION
The Domino’s guy or the Pizza Hut guy?
MAN
Actually, we ordered from Papa John’s.
LION
Oh, man, that’s too bad.
WOMAN
What’s wrong with that? Papa John’s is our favorite! What’s yours? Pizza Hut? That place is so overrated!
LION
I’m a lion. I don’t eat pizza.
WOMAN
Oh, no, I guess you wouldn’t.
LION
I eat pizza delivery guys.
MAN
Wait. What’re you saying?
LION
Your pizza’s not coming. I skipped lunch, so when I saw that guy walking outside your house, I just did, you know…what lions do. I ripped him to shreds and ate him.
WOMAN
No wonder it’s taken so long. I was about to suggest we didn’t tip him when he got here.
LION
You don’t have to worry about that anymore. He’s not coming.
(pats his fat belly)
Or should I say, he’s already here.
(The MAN jumps up, very angry.)
MAN
You see, this is why we don’t want to let you marry our daughter!
LION
But Ursula is so beautiful! She’s the finest girl in the whole jungle!
MAN
She is, and you’re the King, and we’re flattered that you want her hand in marriage, but…
LION
But what?
(The WOMAN stands next to her husband.)
WOMAN
But we don’t know if it’s her hand in marriage you want, or just her hand!
LION
What’s that supposed to mean?
WOMAN
We mean, do you want to hold her hand softly like a gentleman, or do you just want to bite it off and chew on the bloody fingers? Are you going to rip her to shreds like you did to the pizza delivery guy?
LION
Well, no…I love her. I wouldn’t ever eat her…unless she cheats on me. If she cheated, I wouldn’t be very happy.
MAN
She wouldn’t ever cheat! How dare you say that about our little Ursula! She is the most beautiful, loyal, and sweet young lady in the whole jungle!
LION
That’s why I came here tonight to ask your permission to marry her!
MAN
We don’t give you our permission.
LION
I’m the King! I don’t need your permission, you know!
WOMAN
She won’t ever say “yes” if you pop the question. You frighten her.
LION
I don’t!
WOMAN
How do you know?
LION
She said hi to me once…I think.
MAN
No, your pointy teeth and razor-sharp claws give her nightmares! They give us nightmares!
LION
Don’t be afraid of me! Please! I’m not hungry anymore! I ate Papa John!
WOMAN
What if you do marry Ursula, and when you hug her, you accidentally end up scratching her to death with your claws?
MAN
Or, when you go to kiss her, you accidentally bite off her face with your fangs?
LION
I wouldn’t ever do that! I would be careful!
MAN
All it takes is one accidentally deadly kiss, and our Ursula’s beautiful face will be gone!
LION
No! Don’t say that! I don’t want to even think that!
WOMAN
We’re sorry, but unless you get your big teeth removed and your claws trimmed, we can’t let you marry her.
LION
I can’t be without my fangs and claws! That’s like asking LeBron to give up basketball!
MAN
No deal, then. Sorry, but it’s the only way.
LION
But zebras and giraffes would laugh at me.
WOMAN
You’re the King. If you told them to stop laughing, they would.
MAN
If you truly love Ursula, you’ll lose your teeth and claws. If you don’t truly love her, you won’t.
LION
I do truly love her!
WOMAN
Then you know what you have to do.
LION
This is horrible.
WOMAN
Love requires sacrifice and pain.
(points to her husband)
I should know. I married him.
THE NEXT DAY...
(The MAN and WOMAN sit on the couch again. There is a knock at the front door.)
WOMAN
The pizza’s here!
(The MAN answers the door. There is no pizza delivery guy, but the LION is there, holding a pizza.)
MAN
Oh. It’s you.
LION
Can I come in?
WOMAN
You ate the pizza delivery guy again!
LION
No, I didn’t. I saw him outside and paid him for the pizza.
WOMAN
That was awfully nice of you. Come in, please.
(The LION hands the MAN the pizza and steps inside. The MAN closes the door.)
MAN
Pizza Hut. Ugg. I guess it’s worth a try. Because of what you did last night, Papa John’s refuses to deliver here anymore.
LION
I’m sorry about that, I really am. And I wanted to eat the Pizza Hut guy, I really did. But I did what you asked. I took out my big, sharp teeth and trimmed my claws. I couldn’t hurt anything if I wanted to.
WOMAN
You did that for Ursula?
LION
Yes, I love her that much. Will you let me marry her now?
(The MAN and WOMAN look at each other for a second, and then they laugh loudly.)
LION
What’s so funny?
WOMAN
We can’t let you marry our daughter!
LION
What! Why not?
MAN
You’re a lion! An animal! Our beautiful daughter is going to marry an animal? That’s just too weird! It could never work out!
LION
You were never going to let me marry Ursula?
WOMAN
No way! We want her to marry a very successful, very human doctor.
LION
That makes me so angry!
MAN
What’re you going to do? Eat us? You don’t have fangs or claws anymore. Do your worst!
(The LION realizes this, sits on the couch, and cries.)
WOMAN
So much for being the King of the Jungle!
MAN
It’s more like the Wimp of the Jungle! What a dummy!
(They laugh more at the poor LION.)
WOMAN
Thanks for the pizza, your Highness…I mean, your Wimpiness!
The End. Poor Lion!