Evan Baughfman
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The King's New Child

This was written as a "sample text" so that my Creative Writing students would know the kind of thing I was looking for when I assigned them to create and perform their own fairy tale plays.

 

THE KING'S NEW CHILD

 

Setting: In a castle

 

NARRATOR: Once upon a time, a beautiful queen died of a sudden, swift illness. Her husband, the king, was left sad and lonely in his castle.

 

KING: If only my queen had given me a child before she passed away. Someone to preoccupy my time, someone to love! Someone to remember her by! Oh, how I wish, wish, wish for a child to call my own!

 

NARRATOR: As it just so happens, witches have fantastic hearing, and they are always listening for the cries of royalty.

 

A witch flies into the castle and greets the king.

 

WITCH: Did someone just wish, wish, wish for a witch, witch, witch?

 

KING: No, I wished, wished, wished for a child to call my own.

 

WITCH: What if I could give you what you so desire?

 

KING: Oh, could you, really? That would be fantastic!

 

WITCH: As you wish, wish, wish, my king!

 

NARRATOR: The witch flew in circles over the king and said the magic words.

 

WITCH: Flim flam! Alakazam! Green eggs and ham!

 

NARRATOR: And *poof!* Just like that, the king’s new child appeared before him. However, she was not what the king expected at all.

 

A dragon enters.

 

DRAGON: This is my daddy? Like, he’s all old and wrinkly.

 

KING: What sorcery is this? I asked for a child!

 

WITCH: Hehehe. This is a child. A young dragon, just for you.

 

KING: How old is she?

 

DRAGON: I’m, like, 173 years old.

 

KING: A teenage dragon?! Even worse! Nooooooooooooo!

 

WITCH: Good luck. You’ll need it. Hehehe.

 

The witch flies away.

 

DRAGON: Can I, like, go to the mall?

 

KING: Now?

 

DRAGON: I, like, need a One Direction poster.

 

KING: What’s a One Direction?

 

DRAGON: You have, like, lots of money, right?

 

KING: I am the king, yes. I have a room full of treasure.

 

DRAGON: Can you, like, buy me Harry? Or Niall? I could even settle for, like, Zayn.

 

KING: I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.

 

DRAGON: You never give me what I want! I hate you!

 

The dragon runs off, sobbing.

 

KING: What just happened?

 

NARRATOR: The king’s child was not easy to deal with.

 

The king brings a donkey to the dragon.

 

KING: Here is your new pet, my dear.

 

DRAGON: I said I wanted, like, a chupacabra. Something cute! Not a dumb donkey!

 

DONKEY: Excuse you, but I have a rather high IQ.

 

KING: Chupacabras are rare to come by. You already ate all the puppies and kittens in the kingdom.

 

DONKEY: Wait, no one told me the scary princess has an eating problem!

 

DRAGON: Daddy! He just, like, called me ugly and fat!

 

DONKEY: I did not!

 

DRAGON: Shut up!

 

The dragon kills the donkey and eats it.

 

DRAGON: Now I want a new one, Daddy! One that isn’t, like, so mean!

 

NARRATOR: The king could not deal with his daughter’s demands. He tried to find her a suitor, someone who would love her for her. Someone who would take her off his hands. But it was not easy to find the brat a boyfriend.

 

The king talks to a knight.

 

KING: Will you not take her out on even a single date?

 

KNIGHT: No offense, my lord, but your daughter is…not exactly my type.

 

KING: Is she not?

 

KNIGHT: First of all, I am a man. And she is not even a human being.

 

KING: Can you not look past that?

 

KNIGHT: Um…No.

 

The dragon enters behind the knight.

 

KNIGHT: Plus, she has a terrible temper.

 

DRAGON: No, I don’t! You’re, like, such a jerk!

 

The dragon kills and eats the knight.

 

KING: Not another one.

 

DRAGON: All I want is, like, a boyfriend, and you can’t even get that for me! I hate you! You never get me what I want!

 

The dragon runs away, sobbing.

 

KING: Being a father is tougher than I thought it would be. I wish, wish, wish my daughter were better behaved.

 

NARRATOR: As it just so happens, witches have fantastic hearing, and they are always listening for the cries of royalty.

 

The witch flies into the castle and greets the king.

 

WITCH: Hello, king.

 

KING: Not you again. I was hoping my fairy godmother would come.

 

WITCH: Silly king. Fairy godmothers don’t exist.

 

KING: Oh.

 

WITCH: Are you having problems with your little daughter?

 

KING: She’s terrible. Can you please make her a less horrible creature?

 

WITCH: Silly king. No one can choose who his child will be. He must love her no matter what. He must teach her how to behave. That is your duty as a parent.

 

KING: But I’m the king! I shouldn’t have to deal with this!

 

WITCH: Hehehe. Too bad, so sad.

 

The witch flies away.

 

NARRATOR: So the king went to his daughter.

 

The king meets the dragon.

 

DRAGON: Daddy, I’m, like, hungry. Go get me, like, a donkey or another knight. Now.

 

KING: No.

 

DRAGON: What did you just say to me?

 

KING: I said, NO! I am your father, and you will obey me. I know it’s not easy for you to be so different than everyone else. I understand, because I am the king, and everyone is afraid of me, too. But that does not give me the right to act like a jerk all the time.

 

DRAGON: Daddy-

 

KING: Listen to me. Your behavior has been unacceptable. You have to be better. You just have to! It must be difficult to not have a mother around. It’s not easy for me to not have her around, either. But we are all each other has. Understand? We have to be here for each other.

 

DRAGON: Okay, Daddy.

 

KING: I love you, daughter.

 

DRAGON: I love you, too. I’ll be better.

 

KING: Thank you.

 

The king and the dragon hug.

 

NARRATOR: The king and his child lived happily ever after. She someday married a Tyrannosaurus rex who was the prince in a neighboring kingdom, and she only complained to him some of the time.

 

The End.

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